Anxious. Eyes slowly open. Looks around. Really? It’s still dark! It can’t be morning yet then. What time is it? Where’s my phone? Shit. I left it in the living room. How am I supposed to know the time unless I get up? Great. That’s all I needed. Gets up. Bathroom. Living room, grabs phone. It’s 2:17. Back to bed. It’s that Baileys. It must be. I’ll never drink that in the middle of the week again. But I only had ONE glass! Yes, you twit, but you don’t need more than that, do you? What now? Closes eyes. Turns around. Finds husband. Turns to the other side. Littlest sister’s message on Whatsapp. Opens eyes. “My washing machine is making a funny noise”. Replies: “Did you put too many clothes in it?” Right. Ok. Let’s think. I have loads of plans, things I want to do. Think woman, think. E-book. Everything was looking so clear to me while creating that survey. It seemed it was all so good, so “the right thing to do”. Four responses? FOUR? What did I do wrong? After all that posting and tweeting and sharing on Facebook? FIVE likes, THREE shares, TWO retweets and only FOUR responses! Aaaaaaahhhhhh. How am I supposed to even pull that e-book thing off? I should change my topic. Enough of Napoli and Loveandpizza.it. I miss Napoli. I miss the pizza from Napoli. Gosh, I need to lose weight. I should write about creative writing and weight loss. Or creative writing and wellbeing in general. I must write to Francesca. I wonder whether Renata’s already had the baby. I miss my mother. Mum, are you here? I wish I knew what this tingling I feel on my forehead, right before I fall asleep is. If feels so comfortable. It’s like my brain is switching off. Yeah, right. It’s definitely not off now, is it? I have to get up. Gets up, walks to the living room. Checks phone: 5:10. Shit. 40 minutes to go back to sleep AND wake up. Great. Effing great. I wonder if the washing machine has broken.
Does it sound familiar to you? Not only at night, when you wake up and can’t go back to sleep and not even counting (Welsh, in my case) sheep works? How about during the day, when your mind seems to have a life of its own, and simply “leaves the desk at work” to wander around the university campus (or wherever it is you work or study, or do your thing).
Well, dear friend, you’re definitely not alone. Life for me today will only be made possible with a near overdose of caffeine.
If you know me, you certainly know I’m not a grumpy person. What? Ok, ok, I’ll admit it, all right? Gosh… I’m not a very enthusiastic morning person (unless, of course, I’m working up at stupid o’clock to go on holiday hehe), but I can – and will – get grumpy when my thoughts are faster than Ayrton Senna, I’ve had very little sleep the night before, and I still have loads of things to think about and make my mind up about. It’s exhausting!
How can I clear my mind a bit and find silence? That’s what I need: a bit of silence in my head, a bit of peace. I’ve tried meditating. It didn’t last long, as I got distracted – you probably guessed it right: by my own thoughts. Praying was the same thing, even though when I have an impossibly restless mind I tend to repeat quietly “God, please call my heart and mind.”
I remember browsing this Facebook page once, and found this brilliant blog post called “31 Questions for 31 Days”. In this post, Melissa, the author in FabYOUlous Life, gives us a series of questions that, when answered, will help us to gain clarity on the things that are important to us.
Wait a minute. I need clarity! Questions to answer? Is that it? I LOVE writing! I can learn about myself? Perfect! Melissa, you got me at “Hello!” 🙂
Click on the picture to go to her post. (Psst: there are so much more of amazing things on her website, and she’s also launched a book recently, Finding FabYOUlous, which I reviewed in the first issue of our magazine. Check it out here!)
As for me, it is time for the “Question of the day”:
Do you believe in a higher power?
Oh, yes, I certainly do! I believe in God. The Holy Trinity. I’ve experienced God many, many times in my life. At wonderful moments or peace and joy, and at horrible moments of immeasurable loss and sadness. I’ve reached out for Him at the peak of despair when I thought I could get no lower in my depression, and at the peak of happiness when I can finally see the light back into my heart, through His love and mercy. And I have been loved and healed over and over again in my life.
How about you? Write your answer in the comments below! 🙂
Do you know anyone who needs these words today, if not, at least to laugh at my Starbucks coffee cup? Share this post with them. Laughing keeps our heart young! 😉